I'm Back!

It's been a year since my last post, but I'm back. And what a year it's been!

The biggest change in my life that will likely have the biggest impact on this blog is my son. My husband and I welcomed out first child in May. It was a long time coming as we had to pursue fertility treatments to get pregnant but we'd do it all again in a heartbeat. And 8 weeks ago today our son Wyatt was born. We're all adjusting to life as new parents with a new baby (and much less sleep) but thankfully the learning curve hasn't been too rough so far.

Being a new mom has had a big impact on my life. I never realized how much of a spectator I was in my own life until my son was born. I always had goals and ambitions but I never really had the drive to make it happen. At the risk of sounding cliché, I feel like my life has more purpose now. And because of my son, I want to do more. I want to do better. I want to be better. I want to take control. I want to get off the sidelines, stop putting things off because they're not going anywhere and take charge. So that's what I'm going to do.

So stick around. Join me on this new journey in my life. Hopefully I'll learn a few things along the way. No matter what, I'm sure it'll be interesting.

Funky Cold Medina

Today's been rough, as was yesterday. I haven't gotten much writing done and my main character that's been a constant companion for years is fading. I'm in a funk and it's pushing her away. But I'm trying to not only bring her back but let go of everything else that is blocking her and the rest of the story from coming to fruition. But that's difficult. Because that means admitting to myself and the rest of the world that I'm a failure.

The root of my current funk boils down to me being a 26 year old who has nothing (other than my amazing and supportive husband) to show for herself. I can't hold down a job. I've got no children. I don't have a completed manuscript.  Since May 2007, I've gone through job after job and I'm now on my ninth in five years. I think my average is about 9 months per job.

There has been a common theme over the last few years that would reappear every time I would leave a job: "I'm miserable here. I don't really care about X in the grand scheme of things. This is not what I want to be doing with my life. I really want to focus on writing and pursue my passion. That is what matters to me." And things would be great for a little while. But able-bodied 20 somethings aren't supposed to stay home and write all day. They're supposed to have a "real" job that will pay the bills. So I'd find another job and try to write in my spare time and the cycle repeats.

I recently came to the conclusion that I'm going to break the cycle. My husband and I are finally getting to a place where we're financially stable. He has a secure, well-paying job that he loves. And he wants me to be able to look forward to work as much as he does. He just wants me to do what makes me happy. And I finally decided not long ago that I'm going to do that. I'm done coming up with hair-brained ideas for my next career that is finally going to be a perfect fit. I'm done working for someone else. I'm going to do what I love and I'm going to write.

Things were going well. Except for the fact that I never actually left my current profession, I just stopped going. (No, I didn't just stop going to work. Well, I did. But I recently started a new profession where I am an independent contractor. So although I have an office and a manager, they don't pay me a dime. I work for myself and I make the rules. Which was cool... until it wasn't.) And the last few weeks have been great. I haven't been happier. I've been productive. It's good stuff. But because all I did was walk away, I never actually "quit" my current gig, it's still lingering over my head and comes back every now and then. And when it does, all it reminds me of is the fact that I'm yet again, walking away from something that didn't work. And when thing after thing after thing doesn't work, you tend to start to feel like the common denominator.

(That's the spirit! Source.)

But I'm not the common denominator. Well, I am, sort of, but not in a bad way. I just need to stop making excuses and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and just do what makes me whole. And that's writing. And that's okay. I'm blessed to have a supportive family that stands behind me and I'm going to make this happen. I just need to figure out how I'm going to finally pull the plug on that other thing...

And So It Begins...

This is my new blog. I say new blog because I've had a number of different blogs that I have started in the past which very quickly petered out.

What's that? If that's the case, why on Earth would I start another blog?

Excellent question! Because I'm weird and a glutton for punishment. And because despite my many failures previously, I still feel compelled to do so. Because this blog is going to be different. (But Stephanie, you said that about all of your other blogs too). I know, I know. But I mean it this time. (Yeah, you said that before too). No seriously, I mean it. (No seriously...) Oh shut up!

Well this is off to a grand start.

But it's true. Even though I've crashed and burned in the past, I still feel like I need to do this and I really do think this is going to be the one to make it. Why? Because I'm not hiding behind pithy personas and anonymity. Because I'm not over thinking it and freaking out about needing a gimmick. Because I'm not focusing on tertiary topics that really don't mean that much to me in the first place. Because... because I said so. Take that inner critic. And this:

That's right. What do you think of that?!

So this is my new blog. This is Stephanie Zarecki. This is me and my daily(ish) musings. Mostly on writing because that's my passion and what keeps me up at night. But I'm not stressing things. I'll probably go off on goofy tangents and chronicle the occasional shenanigan -- it's cool. I'm in this. For real.